Exclusive Interview: Jizzy Pearl

Jizzy Pearl has a sick, twisted, perverted sense of humor.

What can I say? That’s why I like the guy.

Jizzy Pearl is definitely a veteran of the Sunset Strip. From fronting Love/Hate, LA Guns and a few years in Ratt, Jizzy is no stranger to the debauchery of the Hollyweird scene. He’s released two solo albums and self-released three books (the Trilogy Of Terror – “I’ve Got More Crickets Than Friends,” “Angst For The Memories” and “Unhappy Endings”).

Each of the books in the Trilogy are full of classic Jizzy Pearl. What does that mean? They’re real, honest, creative, weird and … fucked. King Jizzo has a no holds barred approach to his writing and this creates some very entertaining – and very funny – reading.

What inspires Jizzy to create such literary masterpieces? To hear him talk about the books, you could only assume it’s one very complex little word: life. But not my life, And not your life. We’re talking about walking in the shoes of Mr. Jizzy Pearl. This guy is fucking crazy!

Check out our very sarcastic, honest interview with the one and only Jizzy Pearl!

Jizzy, it’s always great to catch up with you. The big change since our last “official” interview is we’re doing everything digitally now. It’s amazing what technology inspires and evolves into over time.

Look, it woulda cost me 11 or 12 grand to print all three of my books on paper. This new technology is good for me. I get to make them available again and I don’t have to mortgage my house to do it.

Especially with things that were traditionally printed on paper, making them available digitally really allows the imagination to go as far as you want it to go.

You know what dude? Since I’ve been doing music professionally I noticed that around 2000 it really made this quantum jump. The MP3 really kicked off when I was in Ratt. Then people had these shitty phones. You’d see ‘em holding them up at gigs. The recording quality was always terrible. Now the phones are like professional ProTools recorders! That’s how technology has changed. I tell my friends, “You’re not allowed to suck anymore.” YouTube captures everything. Every time you’re on stage you’re probably gonna get YouTubed. It’s gonna be on the Internet forever. I tell people that and some still think it’s the Foghat days – party, get stoned. I certainly don’t want any shitty gigs to get put up on the Internet forever.

Technology really has changed us as people, too. Nobody talks anymore. People rarely make eye contact. It’s all Facebook status updates and tweets.

Of all my friends on Facebook I could probably name 20 of ‘em. They’re not really “friends”. People go on Facebook and collect celebrities. It’s allowed us not to interact personally. There’s something missing in that when you watch a kid play these dumb video games and they’re in this trance while they walk. They’ll walk right off a cliff. Or a lady will walk into a fountain in a mall as she stares at her phone – and then want to sue the mall for putting a fountain in the way! It’s fuckin’ stupid. This technology allows people to be lazy.

I’ll reference one of my stories in one of the books. When I was a kid I worked at McDonald’s. I was 15 years old. You had to add and subtract. They didn’t have computers then. You literally had to do six or seven orders at on those old-school cash registers. Nowadays if the computer breaks down at McDonald’s they’ll give you back an extra three dollars in change! It happens. If the computer told them to shit in their hat they would! There’s no more skills.

I’ve been asked if I ghost write my books. At first I thought it was kind of insulting because I write my own books. A lot of people don’t write their own books. Most of these “books” are basically someone talking into a hand-held recorder and their buddy with dubious English skills transcribes it. That’s the book! Now anybody can write a book. Now all you need is a recorder and a computer.

I’ve read some of the “rock star” books out recently and there is no way they were properly edited. They’re terrible, dude!

I can think of one in particular that should’ve been written in crayon! You’re exactly right. The bar has been set very low now for so-called authors to write so-called books. I wrote all three of my books. Some people don’t think it’s a big deal – I think it is a big deal. I have my own style of writing. You might call it creepy – but I’m OK with that. You’ve read some of my stories. The Caligula one comes to mind.

Oh shit…

My books should have an advisory sticker on them I think. Women and people with faint hearts should not read these books.

No small animals within throwing distance, either.

Small animals have been harmed during the writing of these books! But that Caligula story is true. I got a call from the guy that used to run Metal Edge magazine. He asked if I’d like to be Editor of an extreme anal magazine. I just started laughing. How many times do you get offered something like that?! I’d say probably once! I was between gigs and I decided to do it. I became an actual pornographer. It was truly a surreal experience. Definitely not something I think I could make a career out of. It’s too heavy. I like my Internet porn in the privacy of my own little closet. Being on a porn shoot is probably one of the most unsexiest experiences. When you’re three feet away from people having sex you don’t really get the hard-on that you think you might. It’s just so clinical. The chick comes on cue – quite realistically I might add! So realistic it makes me wonder how many times a girl has done that to me!

I haven’t had to have a day job in twenty years. That doesn’t mean I haven’t had weird jobs. When you’re a rock guy with eight rings in his face and covered in tattoos, you’re not going to get those regular jobs. You get the weird jobs – driving strippers around in the middle of the night. You do the kind of creepy jobs. Sometimes I write about that. Sometimes I write about jobs I had before I was a musician.

The books are very weird reading. They’re very interesting stories.

If it’s your twisted sense of humor or you’re unique writing style, it’s an honest extension of you. That’s what the reader is gonna get every time.

I’m friends with Zodiac from Zodiac Mindwarp. He’s another writer. He’s given me some of his books. He’s been writing for years. He’s a funny motherfucker. He’s very odd. A very eccentric person. He was reading my book at a gig in Europe and all he said to me is, “You’re so honest.” I guess. As a writer you deliver things to people and don’t realize you’re really opening yourself up.

Now that your books are available again, has that inspired you to start writing another book?

Yeah. I’ve started. I’ve started writing again and throwing some stuff on the Internet again and having people hate me again. It’s always fun to extend your hand in friendship and then have it lopped off! It’s so cool! Guys from my era may be a little fat and they’re a little bald. Those fat, bald guys don’t wanna wake up in the morning and read about how fat and bald they are. That’s just the fuckin’ way it is!

I would like to make a point. You have an Android, right? Anybody that doesn’t have an E-Reader, Kindle or Nook – they have free apps that allow you to buy the book. That’s the cool part about it. You can get the books on anything. You can get it on any one of a hundred different gadgets.

That would make it so much easier to drop my phone into the toilet as I’m taking a shit, though.

Yeah, or walk into a fountain! Look – don’t be afraid of trying one. I sound like a fucking drug pusher! The first one is free. Don’t be afraid of reaching out. That’s why I write rants and stuff on the Internet. I want people to get interested. You’re definitely not going to come away from these books thinking this is normal shit. My writing is completely and utterly nuts. It’s freaky and graphic and fucked! One guy told me he bought one of my books. I asked him what he thought and he said “It’s fuckin’ weird!” People think when musicians and guys like me write a book that it’s all about the conquests. Like a Gene Simmons fuck anthology. There is that part of it but there is so much more. There’s actual fiction. There are short stories. There’s a lot of humor. It’s funny shit! I think we all need to be cheered up these days. If you get my books you can escape reality for a few hours and have a laugh.